"As of tomorrow, employees
will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards
in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
"What I need is a list of
specific unknown problems we will encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used
to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important,
we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse
for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem
in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few
weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
"My Boss spent the entire
weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims
the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave
her was write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork
is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her
funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on
purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That
would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication
is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
We recently received a memo from
senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be
issued today regarding the memo mentioned above."
(Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
One day my Boss asked me to submit
a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him
if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow,
I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)